i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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