Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
