I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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