Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
