If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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