Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
