Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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