wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
