Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
