"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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