look no pants
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sober January is a disaster.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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