we made out on top of his cat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
this is an emotional support booty call
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
