meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
