You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
