how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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