If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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