Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
