I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
