i permit you to call me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
