when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
