I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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