susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
