Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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