well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
