I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
