Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
