I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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