Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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