i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
