Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
