Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
