I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I party with great urgency now.
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