I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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