im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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