I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
