I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
