Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
