im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
