What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
