well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
