I wish I could teleport
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
