i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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