why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
