Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
