Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
