This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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