I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
