The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
pray to the hookup gods
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
