Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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