Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
