I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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