he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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