I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
