When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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