Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
