she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
