Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
